As a child I was difficult, I came out of the womb with high standards and expected everyone to hold up to the standard. The standard was truth and integrity at all times. I could feel lies and I could see lies everywhere I went.  So what did that do to me? Cause me to be harsh, judgmental and always disappointed never feeling at peace or feeling calm. Always uptight and on high alert. This made it difficult to be around me unless I seen you as person of integrity then I could be calm and sweet. As time went on I ended up feeling forsaken. Reality is so much harsher than what I wished it to be. I ended up swinging in the complete opposite direction from my own standards for my teenage years and as a young adult. Over time I created a me I didn't even want to be. It felt almost by accident. Making poor choices time again making stacking up against me because I could only make choices with the knowledge I had at the time. I could see through my poor decision making skills and lack of belief in myself that I couldn’t fully trust myself. I kept making impulsive decisions that were not in my best interest and kept deteriorating my self worth and self esteem to the point I just stayed on a path of harmful behaviors and bad habits for years while isolating myself. What a profound personal disappointment. During this time of the radically honest realization I made, I made the decision to study myself and others because I knew if I didn’t I wouldn’t know how to change. I got to the point it was so excruciating being me I couldn't take it anymore. Things have to change or my life is on the line. I was entirely so sick of saying sorry to others and myself as frequently as I was for so many years. Being judgmental and willing to say the harshest things because I didn’t like who I was. I always felt I was making up for poor behavior with saying sorry. Although my sorrys' were absolutely sincere I knew that If I was in the right mind I would have never done those things or said those things. I had to get in the right mind. The right mind that was trained to be honest to myself and others and to gain clarity physically and mentally. I needed to gain new perspectives because my current ones were no good. Poor perspectives and beliefs that I developed through my upbringing, societal conditioning and a karmic past.

 Through thousands of lived and experienced first hand trials and errors, expanding my mind through reading books, insightful blogs, observing and studying humans as well as and getting myself into college I realized what I needed to do first. Through taking an anthropology and humanitarian class I identified two new perspectives I needed to adopt. An emic perspective and an objective perspective.  An emic perspective means understanding ones own culture from the inside—observing why they do things, interpreting others' actions, and making sense of traditions like family holidays or dating, all through their culture's shared meanings, beliefs, and values.  It's simply having an "insider's view" of your own world, socialized from birth to grasp its internal logic, unlike an outsider's objective (etic) view. This perspective focuses on internal logic rather than external judgments, without casting biases on observations but seeking to learn without personal judgement. This taught me how to learn to objectify my thoughts and actions and identify patterns within my thinking without attaching judgements or beliefs on my thoughts. When I took the humanitarian class I started to develop critical thinking skills up against the most challenging of situations and choices. Through this I learned how to have an objective perspective. An objective perspective is  the ability to perceive reality as it is, grounded in factual, verifiable data rather than personal feelings, opinions, or biases. It is a viewpoint free from personal feelings, prejudices, or preferences, focusing instead on objective facts, evidence, and fairness, aiming to represent issues impartially without taking sides. It means separating what is true from personal opinions or emotional attachments, allowing for balanced judgment. I started to develop skills around objectifying a situation, removing as much emotion behind it as necessary so I could start making decisions from a place of compassion and understanding rather than judgement for the over all good of myself and others when faced with a challenging decision. This way of thinking has lead me to always staying curious. 

This is now the time I started digging deeper into working on not judging my thoughts and actions and if I did I would do something about it so I couldn't place an ill-willed judgment on the observation I had a self realization about. I learned how my thoughts were connected to my behaviors so I had to attack and question my beliefs at the core. Attack my beliefs at a foundational level and identity level. I realized every time I judged another or placed judgment on a situation that was a direct reflection on what I was feeling and lacking inside. Lack usually from not enough information or not wanting to understand at the time. I now always choose to want to understand and gain more knowledge if I am having a hard time understanding a concept. I choose to stay curious. I chose to care wholeheartedly. I took proactive action and curated strategies to gain new perspectives with intention. 

I set out on a mission to learn the depths of myself, deconstructing false narratives I had ingrained in my being, learning the ways I protected myself and learning the ways I harmed myself and why. I studied how I dismantled harmful beliefs and how I created new beliefs all the while unbeknownst to me inch by inch creating self trust.

Through all this, I learned how to be radically honest with myself especially when I was wrong or doing wrong. I studied how and when I chose not to be intentional, giving myself permission to go on autopilot while I knew I was about to make a poor decision so I wouldn't be able to stop myself. I then studied how I act and the outcomes I get when I am intentionally doing something for the betterment of myself. I had to be meticulous in learning my thought processes and habits and beliefs so I could develop a program that you too can gain the necessary knowledge, perspectives and skill to get to where you need to be within yourself, so you can get to going where you want to be with your life, faster.